There are those that wish me to blog about my life….or what’s left of it. My guess? About 60-70 years….or so I hope. Though, I don’t plan to blog that long necessarily. Anywho, it was strongly suggested that I just blog a little “everyday.” It may be daily, it may be every few days...depends on how I feel. I have tons of other things to do...but as Aunt Carrie says "Five sentences..." well, today, you all (if anyone is even reading this) get about five paragraphs.
To start off, as many/all may know, I graduated from Western Oregon University 12 June 2010 with my B.A. in Spanish with a Communication Studies Minor. Though many don’t know – and I personally feel – don’t understand that Spanish is not the avenue that I wish to persue, nor is it something that I ever had a passion for; an interest: yes. A passion: no. Before I took ASL (American Sign Language) classes – starting my junior year – I did have an interest in Spanish. I never really did know what to do/what I wanted to do with it, but I just decided to major in it and just go with it since, at the time, that was the only thing I was “good” at and the only language I had studied at the time, since my H.S. only had Spanish coursework. It’s hard for people to think that I have a passion different than that of what people thought I had a passion for before. But in truth: I never had a passion, just an interest. I’m sure that if I had the opportunity to take ASL classes back in H.S., my major would be different. I know this is something I'm passionate about 'cause other people notice it, too. I have had a good handful of people already comment....if that isn't enough to say that it's not just another thing I'm "interested" in, then I don't know what is.
So, I’m finding myself back at home for the summer until I move back to Monmouth in September, where I plan to work part-time (more than just a few hours a week,) and go back to school part-time to take more ASL classes to keep up on my skill, have more access to the Deaf community, and I feel I will be much happier where I will have more access to people who are fighting with me for me to become more independent and helping me gain more freedom for myself. I have my license, but that hasn’t proven to give me as much opportunity or freedom as I had hoped, though it is a step in the right direction and allows me for more opportunity to do something I enjoy and will help give me a better idea of which direction I wish to take for my future career.
Anywho….off of me ranting and being as raw and brutaltally honest as I can without offending anyone or pointing fingers, etc. I’ll give a brief update about today up until now since it’s getting late and I should get back to bed in order to be well-rested for tomorrow.
Today was day three of work. Better than day one (by FAR) and better than yesterday. The weather is improving, though that means I need to keep an eye on the horses more. Oh: let me back up. I am the pony ride leader for the day camp at Canyonview Camp. I am in charge of bringing the horses down – i.e. preparing them by grooming and saddling – and then leading them down to turn them out in the corrale. I have to now monitor their water bucket, which I set up today, and have to be sure I always have at least ¾ a bucket of water ready to refill. I find this easier than continually hiking to the creek, although I had to do it thrice my first time setting up my “watering system.”
In any case, I help the campers get on the horse, lead them around, do a little trotting if they feel comfortable and then rotate through the group. Today, I clocked my steps with a pedometer….and today was weird/unusually/not a “normal” day, but then again, no day this week has been “normal.” But I walked over 9000 steps I belive – if memory serves me correct. And that was only about half of the day. I didn’t even clock the rest, but I do remember I walked over 4.6 miles (I think it was 4.667 miles.)
Anyways, it will be interesting to see how far I walk from home to work, around work, and back home again. Not quite sure what to look forward to anymore since things seem to change at the drop of a pin, or a dime, or whatever small, metal object people tend to drop. But, I’ll close for now. I could write more on stories about work or my true frustrations on life and home and what I do or don’t like about what is going on….but that would probably leave me….let’s just say in a world of hurt. It’s hard when one wants to truly express how they feel but can’t bcause they are afraid of what….powers that be will do/say and the consequences of one’s true expression. I really can’t feel I can be as honest as I would like now that I’m home. I feel a bit afraid at times to say something, for it will spread quicker than wildfire to just about everyone, and then things tend to go downhill in that there is more tension that builds. I am afraid to say how I feel for fear of punishment, anger, blame, and other negative feelings directed at me. And I can’t do anything about it because I’m given this label as “kid” as “child” to keep me “in my place,” to keep me from gaining that independence….to be controlled. Hence: I need to move out. As HORRIBLE of an economy as it is, and as much as I will struggle and maybe not even make it, I need to try, or I will be so miserable and unhappy until….well, until whenever I can break through that bondage of limitation I feel so much when I’m away from that group of support I found in Monmouth.
That’s all for now.
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